**Disclaimer** The following blog is a parody. For avoidance of doubt, Otto von Quarzis is NOT a prophet and his former Rules Firm is NOT a law firm, does not provide legal advice, and, you know... isn't real. Carry on.

Thursday, March 16, 2017

The Infidel Files: The Unholy AAIE

Greetings denizens of the inter-webs.  Today, I bring you a cautionary tale of unholy madness!  My warning is timely, as this sinister monstrosity has been gaining traction amongst young gamers everywhere!1  The danger it poses to our youth is especially concerning.  I speak of AAIE - The Amazing Adventurers and Exciting Exploits "game"!

This game is unabashedly heretical!  It starts off with random generation of a character - race, mutations, history, weapons - ALL RANDOM!! For example, an intrepid adventurer might roll a minotaur wizard!! He would get no choice in the matter, he simply rolls!! Also, some of the weapons you might start with include a large dead fish, a dead chicken and a rolling pin! What blasphemous wichcraft2 is this?!

But, this merely scratches the surface - for the combat system is an unholy edgy system that provides for balanced game play and hilarity of results!  Only a very dark and evil creature could design such a diabolical combat system! Players roll three D20s! - THREE... not one... THREE!! Blasphemy!  Depending on the difficulty, a game master (another unholy naming convention that is blasphemous and heretical3) can choose either the low or the high D20 to resolve the action, otherwise the middle D20 is used.  The seemingly brilliant way of resolving actions is a testament to how low we have sunk as a society.  Is nothing sacred anymore!  Two D20s, if someone has disadvantage is the way to do it - three D20s... it is a testament to the over indulgence and gluttonous4 ways out hobby has become.

But, this does not even reach the height of blasphemy!! It is the spell system that puts this "game" into the danger category.  For just like failing a roll if your "myst"5 runs out, great mutations and insanity await you if you attempt to crack open this profane tomb.  For a character can continue to cast spells, drawing myst direct from the ether, but if he6 fails he suffers mutations, insanity and other ills.  In the One True Game, when you run out of spell slots, you are finished.  It is simple, it is traditional, and if it was good enough for our grand fathers... damn it! It is good enough for us!

Then there is the sacrilegious "game's" story point system.  Where encounters, heroic actions, and even epic fumbles become story points and a character sheet is replete with colorful and usually humorous epic one sentence story descriptions, which is also how you level your character.  Unbelievable!! No, pure experience points - but sentences of describing the history of the character. It fleshes out and keeps it as a record for a player to relish and retell the tales over and over.  What ungodly manner of being could create such a irreverent construct?!

AAIE is played expecting you character will die.  You play as fish mongers, butchers and candlestick makers going out to explore a dungeon and likely dying as a result.  Much like your character, playing this game will destroy your soul as a gamer.  I give it four Unholy Marks for its blasphemy and heretical nature.  You have been warned.

Rating: **** Unholy Marks
Age Category: Young Adult+
Humor: Definitely
Suitable for One-Offs: Yes
Campaign: Included (another review for the Town of Murder concept)

1 Coming to a convention near you!! Also, look for it at GenCon 2017!
2 I am pretty sure he is not talking about the sandwich shop in NYC.  So likely a typo... then again... he might be hungry, so you never know.
3 But also not trademarked, so umm...
4 To be fair... Mountain Dew has kind of been a thing for a while now.
5 Myst is the mystical energy a character in AAIE channels to cast spells. 
6 Seriously dude! It could totally be a she.  Inter-mix them at least.

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